Relationships usually start with hearts and butterflies. Everything is fine and it is perfect. You agree with the other person and commit. But, as the relationship goes beyond the “honeymoon stage”, they begin to show their opinions, differences and individual personalities. That’s when you experience a fluctuation in the harmony of the union. The relationship is proof. If you can have healthy arguments, you can really learn from each other.
Discussing is an important form of communication. It shows individualism, different perspectives and the ability to teach each other. Discussions are not necessarily an indicator that there are problems in a relationship. The psychiatrist, Dr. Gail Saltz, of the New York Presbyterian Hospital , explains that discussing well requires skills that take time to build. Here are five of his suggestions:
* Do not insist on being right.
* Talk as soon as you feel anger rising.
* I listened.
* Stick to the subject in question.
* Never say something you can regret.
WHY THE COUPLES WHO DISCUSS LOVE MORE THAN OTHERS
Discussing does not determine that a relationship is suffering. Having arguments can actually indicate that two people have their own individual ideas and opinions. You can bring them to the table and share them in a healthy way. Relationships that do not argue can be subdued and full of tension, since neither party wants to share their thoughts so as not to hurt each other. It can all get stuck. The lack of discussion can also be expressed as a lack of commitment to the relationship. There may be a problem with trust. Maybe you need to ask yourself the following questions:
Are you so committed that you can express your own ideas? Are you afraid of overcoming the limits? In your relationship, can you really show your authentic self? Are you afraid to express your ideas and opinions?
There are seven ingredients for a healthy and happy relationship, and discussing is one of them . She continues explaining: ” I have never seen a healthy couple that does not argue. They never fight, however – they argue. If a couple enters my office and tells me that they have never discussed, there is something that is not right. You can argue without fighting. Discussing is not fighting – you and your partner declare your points of view without raising your voice. Sometimes you will agree to disagree – and that’s fine. Find out what your “non-negotiable” is important. Now rethink that list. I like the saying: Or you can be well, or married . ”
There will always be challenges and conflicts in a relationship. Once the initial stages pass to stability and longevity, people tend to fall into their own territories again. They want to be heard and understood, follow their passions and be recognized for who they are. Couples who argue express their desire to be heard. When done constructively, you are not fighting. They are expressing their needs. And happy couples are heard. In a moment of intense discussion both will remain firm, and this is a sign of mutual respect. You can respect and show vulnerability.
There is a difference between fighting angry and expressing your true thoughts in a relationship. Learn to choose your battles. Begin to understand what is important to discuss and what needs to be forgotten. Elizabeth Gilbert, author and motivational speaker, says it best: ” You can measure the happiness of a marriage by the number of scars that each partner carries in their tongues, earned over years of biting words of anger .” Staying calm is not always a holistic or healthy way to build trust in a relationship. It is an act of courage to satisfy another while feeling like a martyr in the end. Therefore, in a relationship of trust and love you can discuss without being angry. You can show different sides of a problem.
Couples who argue also tend to be passionate. Some couples enjoy sex after an intense discussion. They embark on this roller coaster ride that makes them increase their hormones and blood pressure. The relationship expert, Dr. Pam Spurr, agrees: “The way you argue points a lot about a relationship. The wise couple recognizes this and watches how they treat each other in disagreements. Subconsciously, disputes show that you care about the other even if during the fight you feel upset towards your partner. For example, it shows that you want your partner to drink less and take care of your health. Or you want it to arrive on time so that neither of you is stressed when you have to go somewhere or have things to do, etc. ”
Mutual respect, love, commitment, compassion and trust are important factors in a healthy relationship. Like everything in life, it’s about moderation. You should never insult or disrespect a loved one. You can indicate your point of view in a way that both parties can hear. When you are authentic in a relationship you can always share what you believe. Everything is in how to present any discussion.