Riya was happy in her relationship with Sam. They had been together for five years and their lives filled both. They had similar tastes, shared the same hobbies and saw life in a very similar way. Like all couples, they had their discussions, but their communication was respectful, and they could talk until they reached a meeting point and dropped the subject. They had bought a house a few months ago and it was a new project that also excited them.
Ana worked in a bank, and one day, raising her head to meet the next client, she met Grey, a former partner. They had coincided in the same class for four years, but that was when they were 14 and now they were 33. The two were surprised to see each other and with the illusion of the moment, they decided to go for a coffee to tell each other how their lives were going.
They soon noticed a lot of harmony between them. He was one of those guys who do not cut their eyes when they look at you and that made her strangely nervous. They spent an hour without realizing it, and she had to go back to the bank.
He asked her to exchange their phone numbers and they did so. He also told her that he looked very pretty and when he gave two kisses in farewell, she noticed a knot in his stomach that prevented him from eating anything else for the next twelve hours.
Grey was also very handsome, and he could not get that look out of his head. A few minutes after entering the bank, he saw that he had a message on his cell phone. It was him and he said: You’re beautiful Riya, if you were not with Sam I would have invited you to dinner.
And that’s where everything started. After that message that once again stirred her heart, others came. Illusion, uncertainty, expectation, curiosity, excitement, flattery, falling in love, novelty … How to resist that?
Riya wondered what was wrong between her and Sam. I had always heard that when another person appears it is because in the relationship that we have, there is something that fails, that if you do not, you do not notice.
It is not like this. That is not true. There are many Riya’s and many Greys around us. We are not robots, to whom we have activated a program and we do not leave the marked parameters. We are human beings and our emotions are not programmable.
I’ve heard countless cases like Riya’s. You’re fine, calm / and the other appears, gallant, flattering, seductive, gorgeous (or not) … and tells you all those words that we all love to hear, that make us feel important, special, unique … and that makes us vibrate again. It will never happen to us when we are in the phase of falling in love with our partner. It happens to us when we have already entered a more stable state of sanity and reality in which we are already calm and calm. There the other enters, like a hurricane.
They are situations in which we do not have it easy because our emotions are in direct fight against our head. Reason tells us “But what are you doing? Do not you see what you’re going to lose? Sam loves you, do you know that? You have a house that you just bought and Grey you do not even really know … ”
But at that moment Grey tells us “We’re going to spend the weekend in Paris” and that’s where our brains completely melt and we cannot help going in that direction.
When we are in situations like Riya’s, we suffer a lot. The anxiety we feel is very great. We suffer because of the guilt, because of the madness of our emotions and because we know that we are making mistakes, but we cannot avoid it. If we stay with Alvaro, we are likely to end up regretting it, because we do not know him well and we cannot make any decision when we are in love (when all we do is idealize him).
And part is the fault because we see Sam suffering and that kills us inside …
They are hard processes to which we are all exposed. The ideal in these cases, if we can nip it in the bud. Be strict from the first minute. When Grey approaches, he is seen coming. It may be that you have a partner, that you do not have one or that you have many. Anyway, their modus operandi is very similar and that does not stop them at all.
We are the ones who must put a barrier. Before letting ourselves be carried away by the emotional volcano, there is always a point at which we can do something to make it an end. If on the contrary we decide that it is a semicolon, we must be aware that the suffering is more than assured and we can fall with a lot of security in an emotional dependence that makes it difficult for us to disengage.