Your partner cheats you, it’s a fact. The suspicions you had have been confirmed, infidelity has become part of your life and you do not know what to do. How are you going to behave now? How are you going to face this painful reality? Several of us have lived this experience closely and I know it is humiliating, but you have to confront it and decide what to do.
Tell your partner that you know the truth
If you have discovered infidelity , if it was not your partner who confessed it to you, you should inform him immediately.
Maintaining the appearance of a perfect relationship and suffering through the corners will not help you at all. That would be to lengthen the agony and explode at the wrong time. Take a deep breath, try to stay calm and pronounce the most familiar phrase when there are couple problems: “We have to talk”.
Face the problem
Knowing that your partner is cheating is a huge damage to the mutual trust that the couple held. You will have discovered in the other an unrecognizable stranger and it seems difficult to rescue the love of this accumulation of emotions. Your partner may be perplexed to know that you have discovered, surely your first impulse is to deny it while thinking how to get out of the quagmire. Do not corner him, leave him room to answer but with the firmness that gives you the knowledge of the truth, when he realizes that to continue lying will not lead anywhere, then he can start talking seriously.
Why have you cheated me?
You want to know the reason, why? It is very difficult for you to be able to answer this question with only one answer. The factors that lead someone to be unfaithful are many. Although it seems at this moment that your partner is guilty and you are innocent, this is not so at all. When a couple goes into crisis and ends in infidelity the two members of it are partly to blame.
I’m not telling you that your partner is exculpated, but you have to be able to talk about what the reasons are for having done this.
Professional help or not
Everything is clear, the deception has been discovered, the cards are on the table and you have to decide if you keep going with the couple or not. As the pain and anger are very large it may be a good idea to go to a professional, a couple psychologist , to act as a catalyst and referee between the two.
The point of view of a professional can contribute a lot because it maintains an objective and serene position, as a guide to which to cling when everything is too confusing. In any case, it is not the therapist who is going to solve this crisis, it will hardly accompany this painful path of acceptance and recomposition of the relationship. It is you, with your partner, who has to decide if making the effort to understand, listen and forgive is worth it.
With the help of a psychologist or without it, the only way to recompose the couple is dialogue. An adult, open, sincere dialogue in which hurtful terms or insults are not included. If you feel that anger or resentment may come at a certain moment, it is better to pause and return after a while to resume the conversation.
Take the time you need, you’re hurt and you need to heal.
The process will be to open the barriers between both, admit errors and be able to show the other’s mistakes without accusations. It is not about making a list of past failures, but trying to build new foundations for the couple . Dialogue can take a long time, have pauses, different rhythms and emotions. It is a time of introspection and communication, speaking and feeling are the appropriate medicine.
Do we reconcile or end the relationship?
Discovering that you are being cheated can only end in two ways. Either you reconcile or you separate from your partner. There are many factors to reach any of the two conclusions but the main reason must be your sincere analysis of whether you want or can trust your partner again, without reproach and with an open heart.
Do not feel pressured, sometimes there is no turning back because the damage is very big and there is no other opportunity. You have the right to freely decide what you want to do. After the dialogue with your partner, you will know why to continue or not.
Knowing that your partner is cheating is something you can not ignore, recognizing that there is a serious problem in your partner is frightening, I know, but the only way to get ahead is to confront and overcome it.