It is obvious that all coexistence evolves and goes through ups and downs at different times. Keeping the relationship alive means a daily effort that demands a series of rules that everyone can apply to their conjugal day to day.
Tips for a lasting relationship
1. Make positive comments. Often, couples who have been in relationships for many years fail to emphasize the good things about the other person . It is usually taken for granted that they are obvious issues that need not be said or that have already been said on other occasions.
However, making positive comments reinforces the bonds of the relationship . Related to this, the specialist advises to reduce the intensity of criticism .
The number of positive comments should be much higher than the number of negatives for the relationship to be healthy. Sometimes it is better to avoid a criticism that could ignite a heated discussion .
2. Pay attention. Knowing how to listen is an essential quality in life as a couple . Failure to pay attention to the person with whom you live is one of the most clear symptoms that the relationship is in a stage of decline .
3. Apologize. Asking for forgiveness is an art, especially after a discussion in which we believed to be right, a fundamental issue to settle and forget the possible damage caused.
When the wounds are badly closed, it will be easy for them to reopen at the minimum sign of remembering the situation in discord. Although one believes with the reason, it is useless to demand the other person to apologize to us because when things are still hot, and if he has a minimum of self pride, he will never acknowledge his guilt.
Moreover, the situation can lead to the typical tug-of-war of “and you more”. What the coach advises is to try to reduce the tension and return to the subject when the situation has calmed down .
4. Respect your partner’s space. Each one must have their own space to develop their personal goals, professional goals or, simply, to be with their family or friends. So detrimental is to focus only on oneself and leave the couple out of everything, as being excessively dependent .
5. Worry about the little details. The day to day can make us fall into monotony if the details are not encouraged , although these seem at first sight insignificant. Your partner will appreciate the surprises and your concern for details that in isolation seem banal, but that together make the difference between a happy couple and a bitter one.
6. Do not press. When your partner goes through a bad time and decides to cut the communication and distance yourself, do not press it . If someone is stuck when he is in this situation, the only thing that will be achieved is that he moves further away from us.
“When you feel better again and breathing space again to come to us and appreciate that we learned to respect their time of mourning , “advises Lerner .”
7. Understand that your partner is not going to change anymore. The defects of a person will not disappear magically for many years to pass. It does not make sense to maintain the hope that they will be corrected , because the tempo will make the opposite happen. The most appropriate is to assume that the person with whom you have decided to live will hardly change. It will be the best for both.
One last piece of advice from Lerner. I ntenta get along with your family policy. The loved ones of your partner should be, as far as possible, yours too. Build “a good family triangle “.
Make all the pieces of the kinship fit, that is, the couple , the family of origin and the policy. Do you have any other rules to share?