I have been sexually active for 11 years. However, I can count on a hand the number of times I have seen a bottle of lubricant in a guy’s toilet drawer. For some reason, you seem totally resistant to the use of lubricant. There seems to be a widespread belief that lubricant is the last resort, only to be used in cases of extreme sexual emergency.
But I am here to tell you that this is not the case. Take it, men: women want you to have lubricant on hand, because it makes sex a billion times better, both for you and your partner.
The first time I realized the resistance of men to the lubricant was a few years ago, when I was with a guy, I’ll call him Joshua. One night, after a particularly stressful day of work, I went to Joshua’s house in Brooklyn for some apapacho (and by apapacho, I mean wine, talk and orgasms).
But when we started working on the orgasm part, there was a problem. Maybe it was the stress of the day or the wine, but my body simply did not respond as I wanted. Put it this way: no matter how hard Joshua tried, there was a severe drought in the south.
So I asked Joshua what I thought was a normal question: “Do you have any lubricants?” Judging by his reaction, you would have thought that he had asked him to stand up.
“Of course I do not have lubricant,” he said. “I’m fine in bed, and you said you did not want to have anal sex.”
Calmly, I tried to explain to Joshua that the need for additional lubrication in my body had nothing to do with him, and that there were more reasons to keep the lubricant on the toilet. But he did not believe me. So for the next 15 minutes, he kept trying to make me dunk in vain, before we both gave up and ordered a pizza.
Since that night, I have discovered that Joshua’s reaction is very common among men. It seems that the main reason for this is a basic misunderstanding of the female anatomy: men seem to think that if they are good in bed, they should be able to wet women by themselves. There is also a widespread belief that women only need lubricant if they are old and too “dry” to achieve lubrication.
But this, of course, is a total lie. In fact, about 30 percent of women between the ages of 18 and 59 say they have problems with vaginal lubrication during sex, according to a 2009 National Survey of Health and Sexual Behavior.
“The reality is that all women are unique,” sexologist Juliet Allen told MensHealth.com. “The amount of lubrication they produce is not the same throughout their cycle, it changes depending on which phase of their period they are in.” There are also other factors that influence this, such as stress, birth control and alcohol consumption (which may explain why things did not work for me that night with Joshua).
Just as there are infinite variations in penis size for men, there are differences in women’s lubrication levels. “Some women just do not get as wet as others, and that’s fine,” says Allen. It does not matter how excited you are or how good you are. Some women just need a little extra lubrication, and it has nothing to do with you, or with her.
The lubricant not only creates “a softer and more comfortable sexual experience for women and men,” says Allen. It also makes sex safer. Humidity reduces friction, which means that condoms are less likely to break. Oh, and there is some evidence that lubricant can actually make sex last longer, which, if you ask me, should be the beginning and the end of this conversation, because who does not want to have more sex?
In short, men, lubricant is not a bad thing. In fact, taking out a little lubricant to make sure your girl has fun is the mark of a good lover. It is ideal for everyone, and you should probably accumulate for the winter.
Therefore, if you try to put your partner in a good mood, serve some glasses of red wine and make the lubricant come out.