It is common to turn around and see how many couples are always looking for and causing conflict with each other. Effectively the fights become a reality in the couple’s relationship. However, there must be a greater number of positive than negative interactions. Why are there couples who despite saying that there is love, do not stop crashing each other?
Commonly, destructive relationships have different unconscious components that make the couple more trapped and find it difficult to get out of that relationship. In many moments of our lives we may have experienced rejection, abandonment, little attention so that making us the idea of a loving and reciprocal couple is difficult because we do not feel worthy of that affection. They begin to see self-destructive behaviors: alienate the couple, seek relationships that leave, provoke jealousy, have no confidence, criticize until deeply hurt the relationship.
The pain of your current relationship is likely to be linked to a pattern of suffering experienced in childhood. After a long time of sabotaging your partner, the moment will come when you will realize how you contributed to causing your current suffering due to your unconscious desire to correct the wounds of your childhood: patterns.
There are moments in childhood where no limits were placed on us, they filled us with eternal “yes”. Our demands were over-covered so that as adults we will look for a partner that will please us in everything and to whom we can subject and assault.
Indeed, the relationships of couples are complicated and even more so if there is no internal work in terms of making the unconscious conscious. This will be achieved when you are ready to face all this within you. Then, your life can change in different ways. By recognizing again and again the ways in which you provoke unhappiness (self sabotage), you will stop sabotaging yourself and will change to a healthy pattern of relationship. That is, when your vision of the couple becomes more healthy, you will stop wanting to control everything.
For all readers of I Am Attitude who want to raise awareness about why they are trapped in destructive behavior in their relationship, we share the following tips:
Difficulty in reaching agreements
Studies conducted in 2015 by Dr. Madyshastha of the University of Austin show that unhappy couples argue more frequently as they have more points in disagreement. This leads them to act as adversaries rather than to reconcile in something in common.
It has been proven that couples with unclear roles: home management, work, finances, parenting, social agreements, are negatively impacted in their relationship. Establishing clear agreements opens channels of communication and understanding.
Couples caught in negativity seek to see the empty glass. They usually point out, judge, criticize defects and tolerate less and less the behavior of the other.
They do not find satisfaction in their relationship so they are always regretting having chosen something different.
Point and criticize your partner is a way of not taking responsibility for what one has to raise awareness. Generally we seek to blame our suffering, misery, unhappiness and do not see what we do to cause or allow this state of apathy and negativity.
The lack of trust generates jealousy that borders on the couple’s relationship to stay stuck in apathy and emotional destruction. Couples who constantly fight do not believe in their marriage or in themselves.
If there is indeed a great fear that your partner betrays you, one leads with jealousy, reproach and false accusations that infidelity really happens making you doubt about why he has been with you in a relationship.
Lack of love
When you forget to look at your partner with eyes of love, wherever you go you will only see anger and sadness. When you are angry, you see the world through the eyes of anger. If you see the world through the eyes of sadness, you will cry because it rains, because there is too much noise, for anything.
The lack of love in the couple leads to lack of respect and therefore to destruction. It is important to detect from when you no longer feel the same for the couple and see if both want in a healthy way to rescue the relationship.
My role in helping is not to do things for the person I am trying to help, but to be someone for this person; I should not try to control or change their actions, but by understanding and self-analysis modify my reactions.