Maintaining a stable, healthy and happy relationship is something that every human being aspires to. There is no magic recipe that allows us to get it. However, we must know that there are some basic pillars to which we should all aspire. We will comment on them below.
1. Give and receive
Sometimes, we fall into the error of giving absolutely everything for the other person, without expecting anything in return. We must be careful with the fact that the balance always tilts towards the same side. Rather, attention and respect are two of those pillars on which the relationship should rest.
Maintaining a healthy love relationship is giving and receiving equally. The desirable thing would be not to have to demand, but, if it is the case, it is convenient to do it in pursuit of the health of the relationship. I offer you my love, and, in return, I need to be respected, understood and cared for.
The covenant must reside, then, in that we are able to offer the same thing that we demand from the other person. Otherwise, feelings such as suffering and frustration will soon appear. Open yourself to the other person, but make sure you receive the same in return.
2. Love without depending or submitting
Another very common mistake is to build a relationship based on dependency. If we get used to depend on another person, we will never feel fulfilled. This gives rise to situations conducive to the appearance of jealousy or distrust. We must build a loving relationship where there is no subjection, where nobody forces anyone to do anything they do not want, where there is no domination or control.
The desirable thing, in any case, is that our couple trusts us, that they love us. Something very different is to take away the air or put limits on us. Having space for one as a person is essential. That is, you must not only find time for yourself, to grow as a person, but your partner must help you in your purpose. This will reinforce the self-esteem and autonomy of both. Say no to submission.
3. Listen and learn to dialogue
The discussions are something habitual in the loving relation. Which couple has not had differences in some occasion? It is normal and even hygienic. Defending one’s point of view helps us to set standards and set limits, also necessary for mutual understanding.
On those occasions, usually unpleasant, we test the other person and ourselves. But, it also allows to know the couple better. So, better than discussing, the best thing is to learn to dialogue. That is, that the purpose of this exchange of opinions is for the good, never to sanction or humiliate the other .
We dialogue to reach agreements and to learn from those situations. Hence the importance of knowing how to listen. It means doing the healthy exercise of putting yourself in the place of the other person and taking into account their needs.
To know how to listen is to know how to speak, to contribute ideas, to defend one’s own point of view and to have the courage to change it if, after the exchange, we see the advantage or the fairness of the couple’s approach. It is convenient, then, to try to keep an open mind and understand that dialogue is not to be angry or insulting. Dialogue is understanding and learning too.
4. Know how to adapt
There is something we must be clear about: it is not possible to change the other person . It is also not good to try to do it, because it is useless. Let’s take a simple example: you like nature and are used to hiking with your friends and family on weekends. He, however, is more of being at home, watching television or playing with his console. You love each other but your interests sometimes differ .
Should you stop going for a walk in the countryside? Should he leave his customs? Not at all, we must adapt to each other and know how to combine hobbies. A possible solution to this problem could be that one week he will accompany you to your excursions, and the next one, stay at home watching movies comfortably with your partner.
To reach these agreements it is necessary that in the love relationship there is respect and enthusiasm for having a project together.
5. Keep the illusion every day
Love is nourished every day, even with small gestures . The gestures are very important to maintain that daily illusion with which to keep our love relationship strong. And this requires small efforts and have details whenever possible. Show the other person how important it is to you. And, let your partner show it to you too.
A caress when least expected, a kiss of good morning, to lie down at the same time, strive to do things together , demonstrate with facts that the other person matters … All are pillars on which a truly solid and stable relationship is built .