“Thanks to technology, it is becoming easier and easier to have a relationship at a distance, you can chat, spend hours and hours of free conversation, see yourself, send photos, communicate at any time … things that until recently were unthinkable ! ”
As this coach says, “in distance relationships there are several factors that influence a lot, such as how long you will be separated and the reasons or reasons why you are separated.” You will have very different feelings if that distance is chosen, if you have been imposed or if you knew each other being already far from each other. Also influences the time you have spent before together in person or living together, as well as the quality and depth of your union, “he adds.
Each relationship is a world and there are no universal rules that work for everyone, but here are the tips of Mirror to better cope with the distance:
1. Evaluate the link
This separation can be a test for the union of the couple. So you should ask yourself a series of questions from the beginning, so as not to take surprises: what is your relationship like? Do you feel happy and comfortable “by your side”? Are you able to communicate in a constructive and respectful way? Do you support and grow mutually? Do you feel comfortable, loved, respected, taken into account and valued by your partner? And you, do you make him / her feel that way? What do you expect each of the relationship in the short, medium and long term? It is not the same to separate a few weeks of vacation than a few months (or years) by work and with little prospect of being able to come together again in the same city … But what really matters is the attitude and motivation of each one to continue in partner.
2. Accept changes and set new bases
All relationships are a “living” entity, they are transformed according to circumstances, vital moments and with your own personal growth. So it is important to work to generate the changes you want to see in your relationship. Do not try to do things as before, you have to find a new system that works for you. And for that you must lay the foundations of your “new” relationship well and adapt to the situation. Speak in a totally open, free and clear way about what you want in this new phase, what things are allowed and what things are not. Create new “rules”, so you will know how to act, what to avoid, what things to give more importance, etc. It is very beneficial to remember the values that unite you and keep you strong: understanding, connection, empathy, trust, fidelity Values are the basis on which your relationship is based.
3. Accept changes in the other person
You are going to experience strong changes, which will affect each one individually and how you relate to each other. In general, the person who goes away is the one who experiences the most changes. You will meet people and new places. He will face unprecedented experiences and will have to acquire skills and abilities that he did not have before to face all those novelties. That is why traveling is something that makes people grow a lot. It transforms you deeply. And it’s wonderful, but you have to take into account the danger it can entail: that the other does not accept that your partner has changed, that you take it as a betrayal, that you get frustrated because you believe that you are a different person and that it’s who he fell in love with. It is also possible that, for a while, your partner talks a lot about his trip, his experiences, his anecdotes … and you feel more and more away from him / her. Instead of getting angry, I encourage you to give it a more mature approach. Get excited about their enthusiasm, be happy for him / her. Thanks and take advantage of its growth, it will also benefit you. Enjoy this renewed person, with anecdotes and interesting learnings to discover. Stop seeing the change as a threat. Your partner wants to share with you what he has experienced. He wants to share with you his life! Realize that you have also evolved and lived new things even if you have stayed here. Having given a bit of fresh air to your relationship is a good opportunity to get out of the routine and look at you with new eyes, rediscover and fall in love again.
4. Trust and relax
“To trust is not to know everything about the other person, it is not to need to know it”. Realize that, every second, your partner is deciding to stay with you and not be with any other person despite the complication of distance! If while you were together he showed you that he is faithful, he respected you and treated you well, there is no reason to worry now. Trust Give him freedom. Do not try to have him tied. You can not (and should not) control everything. It will only make you suffer and be tense all day. If your partner feels inspected as if he were dating the Treasury, he will feel that you do not trust him / her and each time he will move away more.
5. Thanks and enjoy
There is no single or perfect model of relationship. There are people to whom the distance is unbearable while for others it is the ideal solution, since they get “company” and support without further burdens. Normally being one season away from each other helps to aerate the relationship and to return with even more desire. You realize how much you love him and miss him. Even your relationship may improve, since the tensions of coexistence are reduced, you speak more often and paying more attention. So it also has its positive side! Whatever your case may be, I encourage you to take advantage of the advantages provided by this distance. For example: have more time for you, to develop your professional career, spend more time with your friends, meet new people and places, live alone, have time to enjoy your hobbies, to know yourself better, to develop yourself personally and Above all, work tolerance to frustration and emotional detachment. Sometimes, this physical separation brings out your worst fears and insecurities … so it’s an excellent opportunity to face them and overcome them! That will make you a better person and a better partner, because you will trust more in yourself and in others.
6. Regulate your emotions
Ideally, you should have agreed to this distance, by mutual agreement and with freedom. But even in that case, it is quite easy for you to get angry with the situation, for not being able to freely enjoy your partner as before. In addition, it is easy that during this period you notice sad, worried, frustrated, fearful, alone
Do not take the distance as an abandonment, as something personal. Think about the real reasons why your partner had to leave. Surely they have nothing to do with you. You must take responsibility for your emotions and your reactions. It is a perfect time to learn about Emotional Management or even put yourself in the hands of a specialized professional that will help you understand and get the best out of this complicated period. This will prevent the anger and frustration you feel from turning against you and ending up sabotaging the relationship unintentionally.