Unfortunately, every year thousands of women around the world are killed by their partners or ex-partners . Although the mentality of society has advanced, there are still too many men who feel threatened by women’s freedom and who try to humiliate them, subdue them and finally end their lives.
In turn, too many women have a very low self-esteem that makes them endure the relationship with an abuser because they believe that they do not deserve love or because they mistakenly think that if they stay by their side they will be able to change them with the strength of their love.
The reality is that this change never comes and that staying in a relationship where there are psychological and / or physical abuse is devastating and seriously endangers the life of the victim.
Therefore, it is important to be aware of the signs of abuse in a couple in order to identify them and end the relationship before the damage is irreversible.
10 signs of mistreatment in the couple
1. It ridicules you, making you feel clumsy, useless or inferior. For example, he makes fun of your hobbies or imitates you when you do something that is good for you (like singing). Or he tells you that you are not good for anything and that you are very lucky to be with him because otherwise you would not be anyone in life. Little by little, your self-esteem and self-confidence are undermined, until you feel insignificant and fearful.
2. Try to put yourself against your loved ones or prevent you from relating to them. It may be that you start sowing weeds between you and your best friend, that you make a thousand excuses not to go to your parents’ house or that you invent conflicts to fight with your group of friends and thus be able to get away from them. Be careful if you criticize and draw defects to all the people you want.
3. It makes your life impossible with your jealousy . It bothers you that you have male friends and see threats in all the men you interact with, forcing you to stop seeing them or cut off contact in social networks. He does not believe you when you tell him they are just friends or colleagues at work.
4. It makes you feel guilty about everything that does not work in your relationship. Instead of looking inside yourself to know yourself or to admit your shortcomings and difficulties, you accuse yourself of being the cause of your unhappiness. And it often tells you that you are “too” sensitive, exaggerated, generous or irascible. Or that if you “do” or Control your money, your way of dressing, what you see on television or the books you read . Also, it will tell you that it does it for your own good. Because you do not know how to administer, because you do not have good taste to dress or because you choose programs or readings that do not give you anything. He always seems to know better than you what you want or need.
5. Check your cell phone, your email, what you see on the internet and your profiles on social networks. He will also tell you that he does it for your own good. To prevent you from contacting dangerous people or showing inappropriate images. Actually, he does it out of jealousy. He wants to control you and know who you relate to at all times. It’s not that he does not trust people, but that he does not trust you.
6. It forces you or forced you to have sex at least once when you did not want to. As much as they are together as a couple and that implies having a shared sexual life, this should never be an imposition. If it forces you to have sex, it is a violation . It does not matter if they are committed or married.
7. He insults you and humiliates you in public or in private. He calls you “stupid” or “useless”, makes you look ridiculous in front of third parties or mocks you continuously and then criticizes you because “you take everything to the tremendous” and “you have no sense of humor.”
8. He threatens you with doing something horrible if you leave him , like taking away your children if they have them, committing suicide or killing you. It will tell you that you are nobody without him by your side, that you will die of hunger, you will not find work or anyone who loves you. The truth is that he is the one who feels miserable if you leave, that is why he tries to hold you back based on blackmail.
9. Usually assaults you or has hit you at least once. Physical aggression is the signal that marks the relationship with an abuser with fire . It can be the moment in which a woman says “enough” or in which she definitely loses the few strengths that she has left and submerges in fear and submission. You should never allow him to hit you. If it happens only once, leave.
What to do if you are the victim of an abuser?
If you have been suffering from abuse for years, your self-esteem will be very deteriorated and it is very possible that you are afraid to denounce the situation and that the anger of your abuser falls on you. You’ve been humiliating for so long that you do not feel like you can get out of that hell. Therefore, a first step may be talking to a person you trust , be it a family member or a friend. Even, a neighbor. Tell him your situation and undo it. Maybe, crying and putting into words your fear and suffering is what you need to start feeling stronger and taking the second step.
If your partner has not gone so far as to hit you or seriously threaten you, but makes your life impossible with his jealousy and lack of respect, you must gather strength to get away from his side before the relationship destroys you psychologically. If they live together, look for an apartment for yourself or a room in a shared apartment. It is important that you surround yourself with friends and people who protect you and help you to empower yourself. Of course, try to cut the relationship radically.
If you have children, or are suffering from physical abuse, do not prolong the situation for another day. Call the help phone to the battered woman in your country and inform them of what is happening to you. In Spain, the number is 016. In the USA, 911. To find the number of your country or state, just look it up on the Internet. The help is there, waiting for you to step out and ask for it. And although the first step is the most difficult, you will never regret having given it. “stop doing” things would go better. Always put the responsibility on you, never on him.