10 Realities you should know about true love

Many people want to be in a relationship, without having the slightest idea of ​​what it entails. True love is associated with getting married, having babies or even buying a pet.

Many people have romantic fantasies about all these things, without even looking at the work involved or the responsibility and commitment required. They think about the DJ they want at their wedding, the first sounds that the baby emits, or the adorable and fun pet.

At no time think how to live with a person every day, how to deal with the colic of a baby, or the work of a hungry pet who is eating the sofa.

Each of those wonderful things that couples fantasize about have another side that they should know is there or they will not fail. Every day, couples divorce, pets are given away and babies are ignored, or worse abused, for ignoring the responsibility of marriage, the responsibility of being a parent and even the responsibility of having a pet.

To be able to love and be loved for many years, in a good and healthy way is not easy. It is mainly about not doing the things that can break your relationship or hurt your partner – for example, being selfish when you have to help, not knowing or worrying about your partner’s needs, or having an affair outside of the relationship. It includes big and small things. Love is an action, love is work and love is a decision.

It does not take a lot of work to be in a dysfunctional relationship; People do it all the time. Taking someone hostage or allowing you to be a hostage is boring and predictable. It can be chaotic, destructive and dramatic, but in the end the same.

To love someone really, who really loves you, refers to being good, healthy, providing support and taking care of your partner; knowing how to understand and how to commit; Knowing how to accept your partner for what he or she is like without trying to change them.

It is not about getting someone away from those they want. It is not about being locked in a strange despair with each one, hopeful and praying that no one will break the confinement.

True love is a broad experience and dysfunctional love is a ‘narrow’ experience. But every broad thing comes with work and responsibilities, responsibilities with oneself and with your partner. A couple must support the hopes, dreams and aspirations of each one.

If you are not yet at that point in your relationship, you can start working with what you should and should not do with yourself and your idea of ​​what a healthy relationship means. Here are 10 realities you should know about true love:

1. To find the right person, first know the right person.
Before entering into a relationship, build your life. Finish whatever you have pending of your past. You must be totally objective in what you did wrong in your last relationship and in the relationships prior to that.

Make an inventory of relationships and a life inventory. You must discover the patterns and habits that hampered previous relationships before you enter a new one.

If you are starting a relationship or are already in an advanced relationship and in this relationship there are some conflicts and you are trying to save it, both must decipher and cure what has been hurting them. If one member of the couple changes, the other is forced to change or leave. You can not maintain status when either of you chooses to change.

2. To be the right person and find real love. You must know your limits.
You must know where you are standing and what things you accept and what you do not. Is an adventure what you are looking for or what your partner is looking for? See pornography? Drugs abuse? Get drunk? Forget to call your partner or call you? Not being financially stable? Jobless? Honesty? . You must know this before it happens in your relationship. You must be prepared to say: “If X thing happens, I’m out of this” without any doubt and without discussion.

Make sure you can identify and know what are the things that can cause a break in your relationship and make sure to break if that happens. Have a commitment with you when something of the things you can not tolerate happens.

Also be committed, if there are some things that have a second or third chance before they become a problem. If you keep after these things that you can not tolerate, you are basically lying to yourself.

Go and find what you really want. If not, you will simply be stuck in a dysfunctional relationship again and negotiating with yourself to accept what you should not accept.

3. True love communicates in a healthy way.
Finding responsible and blaming are out of context. The accusations are out as well.

Learn to communicate starting with “I feel that” or “I think that” or “In my opinion”, and that your partner also communicates in the same way.

Do not let anyone project into you what you are thinking or feeling. Do not defend yourself against what you are not doing. There are many “games” in dysfunctional relationships. The only way to win is by not playing. Healthy relationships are direct and they maintain their communication openly and honestly.

4. True love requires goals and aspirations, both individually and as a couple.
You must have plans and dreams, and have confidence in the future. They should help each other so that each one completes their goals and dreams as individuals and as a couple. You must decipher what you have always wanted to do and do it.

Discover what your partner wants in your life. Find these things as early as possible at the beginning of your relationship, so you can and support each one in acquiring the things they have always wanted. Again, it is very important to determine this as early as possible at the beginning of the relationship.

5. As a prelude to true love, it is important to learn to distinguish between family relationships, friends, acquaintances and collaborators.
Learn to choose your relationship well and do not allow romantic relationships with friends, collaborators or customers simply “happen.”

Do not spend time with your family just because they are “family”. Choose to keep in your life those people who are loving, respectful, honest, open and who cares.

Choose people who know that trust is earned and that after it breaks, it is almost impossible to recover it.

Choose people who do not make you guessing how they feel, or how they feel about you.

You do not have to put up with people who say, “I’m confused,” “I have to be me,” or “I’d like to be a good match for you, but I do not know how to do it.” If you want to have less doubts in your life, stop supporting things that generate doubts.

6. Stop being a victim.
Stop thinking that you have no control over what happens to you. Most people stagnate in unhealthy patterns, in a well of denial, justification and rationalization.

Learn to call yourself in your own rationalizations, and stop believing in the justifications that keep you stagnant and victimized. You must untangle yourself from anything you need to solve.

If you find yourself telling stories in which someone took part of you or someone hurt you, and that these stories are told to generate sympathy, stop and understand that throughout your life, being a victim is not attractive to healthy people . Take charge of yourself and what happens every day of your life.

7. Live with a purpose.
Every day you spend some time alone, without interruption, to think about your life and how it is structured.

Think about what you must do to be better in different areas. Learn to meditate while being in a quiet and relaxing place. If you do not know how to meditate, I recommend you read How to meditate?

Meditating is not sitting or lying down in the middle of pillows. To meditate is to learn to calm down, relax and go within one without distraction.

If you do not practice meditation, you can perform a self-analysis or daily self-assessment before starting your daily routine, where you visualize the things you really want, the mistakes you are making with both you and your partner and make a list of things to improve, so that everything flows positively in your relationship and your environment.

Living with a purpose is the opposite of living at random. It is thinking about what you are doing when you are doing it.

It is not about looking at the cell phone every 10 minutes, or unconsciously see the Facebook 200 times a day.

It is about having the head and the mind where you are standing (a). Look around and analyze what is happening right now where you are.

You must learn to have discipline and control the urgency of being tied to your cell phone, going out for an ice cream when you are not happy, going out to parties or doing anything without thinking, just to look for an escape. It is about making things “more difficult”, such as going to the gym, eating healthy, controlling emotions, feelings and / or anything else that fills you positively as a human being.

Spending time in tranquility every day is very important to maintain a healthy life. Set small goals to define the amount of time you can use each day, to do meditation or something that makes you keep the positive energy (for example listening to music) and perform an action with your purpose.

Having the power to control everything you do and everything you do not do is important to be healthy, as well as being able to offer and receive true love. It is also important that when you are in a relationship, you are able to cultivate this practice every day and have “time” for yourself and also as a couple.

8. Understands that true love does not hurt.
It is true that there are misunderstandings, frustrations, disappointments, anger in each relationship, but in healthy relationships these things do not happen regularly.

True love and couples who truly love each other are consistent. They are not always easy, but they tend to be fluid since both parties work to make everything work.

Love is what helps you to face and deal with every curve that life brings you and not to make things more difficult. Love, real love, true love, is to provide support in a complicated world, is not to make the life of your partner complicated.

Do not be with people who turn everything into a discussion, challenge or fight. It’s exhausting, and it does not have to be that way. Healthy people refuse to live this way.

9. True love does not ask us to sacrifice the things we want.
Sacrifice our interests, hobbies, friends and family. If someone asks you to do that, it is not healthy and it is not good for you.

If you want to do that without your partner asking you, it’s worse. It is normal to get involved in the relationship but after a while, you must return to the things and people you love.

Keep your life balanced, if you get rid of the things you like and the people you love, at some point you will realize that you can not leave your relationship because you have nothing else.

You may need to reorganize and define how much time you spend with each of your interests and loved ones.

10. The most important thing you should know about true love is that love is an action of you towards you.
Every day, whether you are in a relationship or not, you must reaffirm that love is what you do, not what you say, and you must confirm this with everyone in your life.

For example, if it is a non-loving relationship or work relationship, respect is the action you must perform and you must receive respect in all your relationships.

If people understood what true love involves, they would be less inclined to initiate and culminate relationships, in which from the beginning they know if they are going to experience what true love is.

Use your time away from a relationship with wisdom, to create what you need to be in a healthy relationship.